Monday, August 5, 2013

Silence On The Other Side

So I've been trying to do a lot of blogs with tons of info in them for people who might be going through the same thing as me. However, today I'm going back to my roots and writing something that is purely emotion. Which means you can hate it if you want buuuut I'm still writing it.

I am so beyond frustrated right now. I am fully ready to admit that this is just me being whiny cuz I was so spoiled last deployment, even though I didn't realize it. I got to talk to my husband either on Skype or by phone almost every day. Normally it was for a good amount of time too. However, this deployment is not turning out to be like that at all. A big part of it is because they are so busy. He has night shifts quite often. The first week he was out there I got nothing by a few Facebook messages here and there. Now it just kind of depends on the day. Which for me is very frustrating. I guess I like a schedule more than I thought I did. Or at least I do when it comes to a deployment.

Anyways, I'm done complaining. Now that I've got all that out I think I need to focus more on the positive things from this deployment. Like that fact that I get to talk to him at all. It's not as common these days to not get to talk to your deployed spouse since we have the lovely internet, however, it does still happen. I have a friend who is lucky to hear her husband's voice a couple times a month. I don't know how she does it without going crazy, especially with her two small girls, but she is strong and I hardly ever hear her complaining. She is just happy that he is safe and that they have money coming in to help support their family. She sheds few tears and you hear her commenting on how every day is just one day closer to him coming home so there is something to celebrate every day. I love her strength and I try to be like her as much as I can. I have so much to be grateful for too. I at least hear from my man a couple times a week. The money we are getting from this deployment is helping us get out of debt so we can go back to school. I have worries but one of them is never where the next paycheck is coming from or how I'm going to pay my bills. My husband makes a huge sacrifice to make sure that I have what I need and I appreciate it in every way.

There is another reason for being positive that I've been trying really hard to focus on lately. The fact that in a way, military spouses are lucky. Deployments are hard, awful at times. There isn't a lot to really love about them. Being separated from your other half can be depressing and torturous. However, I feel like we get a real chance to truly understand the depths of love. Without the bad we can't understand the good. So if we have the really bad then the good is that much more wonderful. You can't fully understand the depths of your love for someone until there has been a time when they aren't there. Missing someone is loving someone. Our bonds with each other are truly tested but look at how much stronger of a relationship we have if we survive a deployment. And don't you truly appreciate the here and now when you aren't sure of the future? I don't think I could have ever realized that I could love someone as much as I love my husband had I not let him walk onto the horrible white bus and leave for a year. I am lucky.