Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Rainy Thoughts

It's a rainy day. Most people would call it dreary but I actually love the rain here in Wyoming. It's not really the best time for it to be raining since we are trying to get hay in but such is life. However, I still love the sound of it on the roof, the smell of the air right before and after the rainfall. I love how the world seems to be twice at vibrant and bright after it's been washed clean. As crazy as it may be because I end getting things all wet, I love throwing open my bedroom window and letting that wet, fresh air pour into my room and wrap it's damp fingers around me. Taking a deep breath in and closing my eyes, dreaming of the future. Dreaming of the day when my husband is there again, experiencing and enjoying the things that I love right along side of me.

Missing your hubby is a normal thing when he is deployed but it goes beyond that for me. It is heart wrenching when I experience something, no matter how small, and he isn't there to experience it with me. My natural reaction when I'm excited, angry, scared, or shocked about something is to turn to my husband and talk about it. To see how he is reacting. I love sharing the world with him, knowing I am never alone. I miss that desperately when he is gone. I turn to emptiness. I speak to silence. I don't like feeling like he is missing out on parts of my life.

I hate even more knowing that I am missing out on parts of his life as well. Big parts. Parts that might define who he is when he returns. It scares me to wonder what is happening every day, what he doesn't tell me even after he has come home. What things am I not seeing? That includes the pain and damage he is hiding inside.

No, we are meant to go through life together. Being separated for such long amounts of time is like being ripped in half. I don't fully live until he is home. All I can do is wait and pray. And the day he comes home, that happy reunion, will make it all worth it. I love you, Brandon.

Keep L i/o ving!