Deployment once again. I've discovered many things through the past several days since my main man left. The first being that the whole saying goodbye thing does NOT get any easier with experience. It helped to have an idea of how things were going to work. I held it together a little longer than last time but the tears were inevitable. It doesn't matter how many times you do it, watching your husband leave and knowing he won't be back for months breaks your heart all over again. Nothing can truly prepare you for the sight of your love climbing onto those buses and waving goodbye. Nothing can stop your heart from squeezing extra tight when you look around and see all the families gathered in little groups, hugging each other for the last time. There is just something bitter sweet about it all. Another thing is that there is a certain comfort in living on post when your husband is gone. Now I'm not staying here, I'm actually moving back with my parents in a few days, and I didn't stay last deployment either. However, hanging out for the past week and a half has given me a little peak into it. I went to the post office the other day to mail off my first care package full of goodies to my man. While there, several other woman came and went. They gathered up arm loads of flat rate boxes or stood in line to mail one off. I wasn't alone. For a second I felt overwhelmed with respect and love for these strangers because I knew what they were going through. I felt a comradery with these women that I couldn't have with anyone else.
There is a certain understanding that can only come from someone who is going through or has gone through a deployment. There are lots of people who are sympathetic and caring. They hug you. They wish you the best. They tell you their heart goes out to you. We love them and we appreciate them but they can't replace the people who look us in the eye and just know. They can't replace the tears shared or the times on our knees, praying together. They can't understand the pounding of our hearts when our phone rings and it's our loved one's voice on the other end. They can't feel the feelings of comfort as you fall asleep in the glow of your computer that sits forever signed into Skype. We love them, they love us. We need them but we also need our fellow spouses. Maybe next time I will stay on post. I feel like it is a whole different experience.
*written a few days later*
Finally made it to my parents house. Boy what a trip. It's good to be back in my home town not to mention on a farm. There is going to be PLENTY to keep me busy! My hubby is now at his FOB and has started to settle in. That right there makes things easier. I find the first few weeks of a deployment the hardest. One, you are trying to acclimate to them being gone. Two, they are traveling and can't tell you exactly where they are going so you are never quite sure where in the world they are. I don't know if that bothers other people but it is unnerving to me. Which leads into three, you hear from them very scattered and for only short amounts of time. They don't always have access to a phone or the internet. When they do it is normally borrowed so they only get a few min. Not to mention their schedule is all over the place. Once they finally arrive where they are supposed to be they get a set schedule (hopefully) and they normally get a chance to set up their internet. Cue the Skype dates! =)
So now that he has been gone for almost 3 weeks I feel like things are starting to get a little more relaxed. It will be more so once we get him some internet that actually works hahaha. Honestly, I just feel blessed that we have the ability to use the internet over there now. So many people never had that chance with their spouses. It was letters or nothing. I'm not sure I would be able to stand that. We are truly lucky to have the technology that we have these days. Deployments will never stop sucking but little things like Skype make it just a little more bearable.
For all my fellow spouses whose loved ones are gone, keep your chins up. My prayers are with you all.
Keep L i/o ving!